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Published in 1936, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a fantastic self- improvement book that shares brilliant tips on how to refine your social skills in life and business. The author urges to refrain from criticizing, condemning, or complaining as such habits engender resentment from people. To strengthen your network, build solid relationships, attract people’s interest and make them eager to help you succeed, you need to show genuine interest and frequently make honest appreciation. Carnegie’s principles are as relevant and applicable today as they were in 1936 and will continue to serve as a tool to win friends and influence people for generations to come.
Have you ever moved jobs or even changed your neighborhood? Every time it happens, there is always that hard feeling when it comes to interacting with other people and creating new friends. Unlike what we see in most Hollywood movies, human beings are not wired to click at an instant. It takes time to let people into your inner circle, and even when they do; it would be quite a moment before you can begin referring to them as real friends. That is why Dale Carnegie’s book is an excellent tool if you want to know How to Win Friends and Influence People.
An influential person is best positioned to win an argument. So, if you are in a leadership position or not, being influential might work to your advantage must of the time. Consider an individual of power like Abraham Lincoln who continues to impact the society, hundreds of years after he was assassinated. Now some are born influential, but most have to be made. In your way to becoming a Friends Winner and Influential Guru taking online courses or in-person seminars will help, but you need to start by reading or listening to this book.
Human beings can be taught to influence others
Among the classic books that constitute the foundation of America’s self-help movement, the goal of the book is to help you engineer a better life. Its scope and content are so meticulously chosen that it is doing rounds in a lot of industries. As of 2018, How to Win Friends and Influence People had sold hundreds of thousands of copies testifying how useful it is.
For Dale Carnegie, human beings can be taught to influence others. They can also learn how to win friends. There are quite many reputable members of society like Charles Manson and Warren Buffet who testify that the book improved their lives.
Do good or evil
The book can be appreciated from different perspectives. Warren Buffet is pleased by its incorporation of management principles and techniques. At the same time, it is evident that these techniques could be used to empower a political or a local community leader. Whoever you are, whatever is your goal, the book puts you in control of your personal life, and relationships.
It is quite brilliant of the author to give us this kind of freedom with no attempt to influence opinions about anything. Whether you are a ruthless businessperson or an activist who cares about the wellbeing of its community, you will find noticeable results after putting Dale Carnegie’s knowledge into practice. But you will probably agree that doing good always beats doing evil.
Maintaining trust is such an easy thing to do, as explained by the book. The author argues that if you admit being at fault, and avoid arguments, then you are on course to gaining the confidence of others. It seems a natural therapy, but the truth is that accepting to be at fault isn’t easy at all. We all have bigger egos, an armor of self-pride that blocks us. Saying sorry is not easy, but merely admitting mistakes and asking for forgiveness for some of our actions, maybe the magic wand to a harmonious relationship. Carnegie gives a detailed explanation of how you can do this. His ideas shared more than 80 years ago are as relevant today as they were back then.
If you are the kind of person who is motivated by pride, arrogance, and smugness, then be ready to have countless trust issues. We all are troubled by the dangerous sin of pride. If only we are honest enough to admit this, we realize the potential of a long-lasting impact on our relationships, career plans, and even interactions with the society at large. Set aside some time to read the book and shrug away the pride and grumbling game. A wise person will take in what is said and act on it. Be smart; take action today.
30 Principles and Techniques to win and influence people
Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
- Give genuine, honest, and sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Part Two: Six ways to make people like you
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
Part Three: Win people to your way of thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Dramatize your ideas.
- Throw down a challenge.
Part Four: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save face.
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
- Give the other person an exceptional reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
We don’t know how long it took Dale Carnegie to write this book, but one can visualize a person in deep thoughts throughout the whole period of writing. The fact that he came up with these words during the onset of a World War means his motivation must have been at the peak. He seems to put himself in the position of respected members of the society who tried to reason with the masses and political class to make sound decisions regarding the war. The author’s message is that when we talk in terms of the other person’s interests, it will be more effective at making people like you. Indeed, a likable person is friendly and has more influence on others.